hold my beer part 1

[missanthropicprinciple]

It's been a while since I logged in. Class is going well but not a lot else is. I'm lucky in terms of money and general comfort but I am still lonely as hell and Mom and I are missing Dad so much. Despite our terrible problems and how ugly things got in the end, we had such a close bond with him that we struggle a lot. We talk about him in passing, remembering the good times and also how much his parents damaged and betrayed him. As times are especially rough as the six month mark is passing us by, our friends, my mother's in particular, have been unhelpful and at times verging on cruel. At the beginning of October, my mother received a heartless email from a family "friend." This person sent an essay length email full of striking phrases full of judgement, not so passive aggressive remarks, and the repetitive use of "I" and "me" indicating that her concern was with her own feelings, not my mother's. Some highlights, apart from the "move on" schtick, were:

• it is "senseless to mourn his loss"
• our "new reality" is one "without John's corporeal presence" 
• And the real kicker: "As lovely as it was for the three of you to have been so close, in retrospect, if that was to the exclusion of all other relationships, perhaps you were inadvertently doing yourselves a disservice by having been so tight and isolated."

I could copy/paste the entire email but needless to say her platitudes and condescension were highly offensive. This hurt my mother and I so deeply that I feel like neither of us have been quite the same in the last month. Around this time her other friend who she's known for about 40 years has been giving her less support. We went to the theatre with them on Sunday and not only did they fail to say to me "I'm sorry about your father" as they had not seen me since before my dad died, they quizzed me up and down about what I was doing in my life. They also couldn't bear a single comment that was in any way negative, making my mother and I invalidated and unable to be open and honest. We feel lost. And instead of forming a life outside of Mom, she and I are forced together by other people's judgement, lack of understanding, and hurtful words. People have repeatedly indicated that they have no real understanding of what we're going through.